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[29 Jul 2006|03:04pm]
Ladies and Gentlemen, our tax dollars.

I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow.
1 echo| scream

No reason to get excited, the thief fair kindly spoke [23 Jun 2006|08:34pm]
I met this young woman named Eskedar the other day and we hung on U Street today. She's really sweet, random friend-making is always lovely, especially since its DC in the summer and I'm a walking John Mayer song. I showed her the record shops in Adams-Morgan, she showed me a really good Ethiopian restaurant across the street from Ben's. I started crying when talking about what colonization did to Africa. Yep, that's me.

I leave a week from Monday for Israel/Palestine. Annie leaves on the same flight, but two days later, so we will only be on the same flight to Milan in spirit.

I'm tired and I think I need some dinner. Constance gets in a few hours, which I'm excited for, though this weekend is bittersweet, as its the last time I'll get to see her for six weeks.

I miss Mark, I don't know if he knows that, but I do.

i don't blame you.
1 echo| scream

I said I'm sorry by now at least once to just about everyone [24 May 2006|11:27pm]
It's summer, I'm taking class, reading, preparing for my trip, staying alive.

It gets a little lonely, Duritz-esque, around here. Only in absence of so many people do you notice all the space.

Someone asked me recently if I felt progressed at all since I hit the ground here, I'm not sure what to say. I'm not as frail anymore, I eat, I lift and I've calmed down. But staring around empty AU like the girl on the car in the parking lot, I always feel so sad about everybody I lost along the line, specifically Pittsburgh. I don't know to say sorry, some of it I'm not sorry for, I don't miss some but I mourn that I was happy when I lived there both times, I mourn the comfort and its fallout. I mourn the slimmer me, I mourn the feeling of all those night in Eva's apartment/Lauren's house/my apartment feeling so out of tune and place, at the same time the comfort of Mark's floor and Susan's living room and the feeling of family. The feeling of running home now while saying "just forget me [Now], it's that simple." Derrida's 'works of mourning' always make me cry.

A month of class and then Jerusalem. goddamn, now.

living with ghosts.
1 echo| scream

You are everything I want, cause you are everything I'm not [04 Apr 2006|01:01am]
The smoking ban started in DC today! A glorious day it is. The narcissism of arguments for/the action of smoking in public places astounds me, seriously. Finally this city got some balls and did something.

Not gonna lie, I'm excited for the new Taking Back Sunday record.

And I got a nice check for March from work to put towards July.

ever get too far.
1 echo| scream

[27 Mar 2006|04:13pm]
July 3rd/4th, I will land in Tel Aviv. This is real, in July, I'll be in Israel/Palestine.
1 echo| scream

[22 Mar 2006|09:07pm]
I sent an email to NOAM FUCKING CHOMSKY about the Mearsheimer/Walt article on the Israeli lobby and he EMAILED ME BACK BITCH. I'm framing this and putting on my wall. Why? Cause I'm a groupie and its goddamn Noam Chomsky.
4 echoes| scream

I've got my veins all tangled close [14 Mar 2006|02:46pm]
Here's the plan: This summer, I am trying to go to Israel/Palestine for the month of July. I'm currently saving money and projections look that I'll make my goal in order to survive. I'm planning on staying in East Jerusalem (just outside the Damascus gate into the Old City) and see everything from Tel Aviv to the Golan to the West Bank. Not to mention Lena and (hopefully) Rand visitation. It should be less lonely than last summer, and hopefully less all-around blew than after senior year. Cool.

louder now.
1 echo| scream

Dine and dashed, the pianist peddled in the morning [13 Jan 2006|04:54pm]
Being back in Pittsburgh of late was alright. It was really good to have Constance there. Saw a lot of people, even some AU folk, too little Mark/Katelyn/Susan time, mixed with random sightings at Dancing Goats and a handful that made us groan/snicker. It was as stressful and homeless as I thought it would be, I can't say I'm torn up that it passed. We checked out my old apartment building and I saw Ashok (I told Constance, upon asking what my place was like, that story about being at some party of Schenley kids and some bourgeois fuck walked up to me and asked me if it was just really true that I 'just have a mattress and a table' in my apartment, as if that was something he should pity at, I just stared at him in horror/sadness/disgust) so that was pretty cool, plus lots of stories. I called Lara after midnight on New Years, some drunk cat answered and some bullshit, so we played it cool, lie in bed and read books. It was very nice. Lonely, but given past New Years, very nice and peaceful.

Tonight is coffee with Constance, Kathy and Aaron, then dinner with my dad.

It's just I tried.

Slipped my mind that I could use my brain [25 Dec 2005|03:19pm]
Didn't I, didn't I know you?

happy assorted holidays.

Hmm, so nothing going on at all, got a bunch of CDs (Rolling Stones, Bowie, Dead, Dylan, etc., yay!) and a bunch of textbooks on social theory, postmodernism and deconstruction (see: Fun for Ian), warm clothing and other fun things. Constance comes back into Baltimore the 27th, I'm so excited, I miss her to death. Then Pittsburgh on the 28th (i think) for time with such folk, with a 'must' stamp on Mark/Susan/Katelyn. Constance will be with me, it's kind of nice for an expected good time on New Years, it's been two years since I ended one disaster and started a new one. Dialectics of disaster? It'll be lovely to have Constance there. So I'll see you cats soon, time to go spend time with my cousin's family, all the while pretending I can stand them.

quick dilation.
3 echoes| scream

If I'm not tortured how are you ever going to relate? [01 Dec 2005|04:17pm]
I'm still alive.

Wow, so it's December. What a year that kind of slipped in after the last few. And the first relatively peaceful year in a long time. Hallie lives in Bethesda. There's that. More later.

Attention Pittsburgh: The Maley family, namely myself, featuring Constance will be in town for New Years. I'm trying to see you. I've been out of the loop after that email drama bullshit in February, but now I'm back. Namely Susan, Katelyn, Mark and Lara. And everyone else.

Alright, back to class.

It's too late.
5 echoes| scream

That come with the dust and are gone with the wind [03 Oct 2005|02:10am]
So, I got the Scorsese No Direction Home documentary. I've made it (cried) through the first part, I've yet to see the second part. Music's always been a big part of me, sitting last summer hearing Tweedy belt out the chorus of "Sunken Treasure" on the Wilco documentary moved me to take a look around and break off that relationship, or "Round Here" gave me a place to stay in my homeless senior year, "Greener with the Scenery" by the Used" and "God of Wine" by Third Eye Blind" remind me of 'Hallie and everything after.' I cry when I hear them simply for the loneliness they invoke, but Dylan is something else entirely. I dunno, Dylan always was and still is so intensely personal for me, I shutter when I hear him talk, everything in my musical life revolves around him. I don't pretend to understand the songs, I only understand them in my own right and it's all I ask for.

Withdrawal is scary, even when it's not you.

School's going pretty well, so much reading, so little time. If you haven't heard The Format, fucking work on that.

Out of tune.

I don't care where, just far [03 Aug 2005|01:02am]
And comes August, month of the ghosts. I still have that mix Lauren gave me, that piece of paper from Ginna, that note from Hallie. I just need to make it to Philly on Friday.

Now I'm going back again
I've got to get to her somehow
All the people we used to know
Are an illusion to me now
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenters' wives
Don't know how it all got started
Don't know what they do with their lives
But me, I'm still on the road
Heading for another joint
We always did feel the same
We just saw it from a different point of view
Tangled up in blue.

Anna begins.

We met on a plane, we were only 19 [27 Jul 2005|01:12am]
Favorite Albums of the Year thus far (evolving top ten):

Sufjan Stevens Illinois, Team Sleep Team Sleep, Ani DiFranco Knuckle Down, The Mars Volta Francis The Mute, Iron and Wine Woman King EP

I just got the Sufjan today, fucking incredible. Seriously, it floors me. Not to mention I landed one with the Superman on the cover (banned copy).

The past week was filled with things I love, things I detest, things I wish would happen more often, things that I wish had never happened and everything in between.


Where do I start, where do I begin [20 Jul 2005|12:58pm]
Recent or not so recent musical revelations.

Plays Pretty For Baby by Nation of Ulysses is fucking incredible. So is the Team Sleep record. Finally a studio version of 'Error Operator.' I need to get my Q and Not U tickets like now. Greenwheel is playing Philly and I'll be in that weekend, I think Constance and I are going to go. I haven't heard the new Sufjan album and I need to.

The Shins are overrated. Le Tigre fucking blows and needs to stop ripping of The Slits. Why did Rilo Kiley have to sign to a major? Fuck the Superman lawyers and their 'that logo belongs to us' bullshit.

Anti-parent culture sound.

All your friends afflicted, she's addicted [20 Jul 2005|12:55am]
Back from the vacay. While it's kind of nice to be back, I didn't want the weekend to end. I went with Constance, her family and Patricia to the Bay shore at this house in Betterton, MD, otherwise known as Put Old Bay On Everything Time. It was a lot of fun, there was swimming, reading from Gramsci's Prison Notebooks, dipping into portions of Frey's A Million Little Pieces, spending time with the people of the household, Jet Ski riding and quality time with Constance (since I hadn't seen her the weekend before, ew).

The Frey book is hard to read, even though I've read it multiple times I cried reading parts of it. It's very real to me, I felt really badly cause Constance would have to find me all distraught (she's reading it, I lent it to her). I hear me in a lot of what he says, I hear me then and some parts still now. In three words he changed my entire life, I get chills up and down my body just thinking about it.

Constance's mom treats me like a roadie.

I have so many bug bites on my foot (like 15) that I'm nauseous. And my cousin unblocked me online too, that makes me equally ill.

Hmm, it's 1, I know it's her last night in town but I should be getting to bed soon.

Oh, and I'm officially poor as shit.

Can't go back.
1 echo| scream

Where did you go, you forgot about all you left behind [28 Jun 2005|01:29am]
As usual, a great weekend with Constance.

Hmm, nothing much new. Wilco and the Roots were awesome last night. The tickets ended up being Pavilion floor, middle, 8 rows/15 feet from the stage. Beautiful show. Two and a half hours. I cried during 'Sunken Treasure' and 'I'm the man who loves you.' I heard 'Sunken Treasure' towards the end of last summer on the Wilco DVD and it got really deep in me, I felt that way at the time. Bless Jeff Tweedy.

1. Handshake Drugs
2. Company In My Back
3. Airline To Heaven
4. A Shot In The Arm
5. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
6. War On War
7. Hell Is Chrome
8. Hummingbird
9. At Least That's What You Said
10. Sunken Treasure
11. Muzzle Of Bees
12. Kamera
13. Heavy Metal Drummer
14. I'm Always In Love
15. I'm The Man Who Loves You
16. Reservations
17. Spiders (Kidsmoke)
Encore 1:
18. Misunderstood
19. Jesus, Etc.
20. Kingpin
21. The Late Greats
Encore 2:
22. Monday
23. Outtasite (Outta Mind)
24. I'm A Wheel
25. Something In The Air
26. I Shall Be Released

When I introduced her, his facial expression was one of the most classic, if not startling moments of the weekend.

While LJ misunderstandings amuse the hell of me, I'll steer, there's more to say, but this isn't the place.

Out of tune.

[21 Jun 2005|03:34pm]
I just won in a drawing two passes on the Guest List for Wilco/The Roots on Sunday at Merriweather from work. I love my job.


I don't know how we got so used to it [20 Jun 2005|12:18am]
Hmm, haven't updated in a while.

Quick update on the thingses. It appears I may be in Pittsburgh at the end of July with Constance, I'm gonna be contacting people but let me know if you'll be around. Constance was here this weekend, I'm going up to see her next weekend, I love her and miss her to death. I'm seeing Me'Shell Ndegeocello on Tuesday and I have backstage to see Shambhala on Wednesday, I fucking love my job. The Evens and Q and Not U have dates at Ft. Reno this summer, sweet! Class is almost over, I'm excited for it to end. So much reading this summer.

Get Mac OSX Tiger, it'll blow your mind. I love my new 'puter.

So this is young and in love.

Take the place.
1 echo| scream

Cause I miss you, and it sucks that you're not here [31 May 2005|01:03am]
I met Chino Moreno (lead singer of deftones) last night. I ended up at the Meet and Greet after the Team Sleep show and got to meet him. I was really choked up and told him how he's saved my life. I'm still shell shocked.

This four day weekend was amazing. Constance came in Friday morning and left this evening at around 7. I was sort of teary-eyed at the station and I've been fragile all evening. I'm alright though, I sought the refuge of my favorite records, getting all the way through August and Everything After and Blood on the Tracks. I just talked to her on the phone, I'm trying to go up to see her this weekend. I love her.

I trying to go see Shambhala on Wednesday at some shady club in Northeast DC on K St. Wish me luck. Listen to "Monastery Gladiators," it'll blow your mind.

Well, I've got class tomorrow. Sleeping tonight isn't going to be easy, salaam.


[20 May 2005|02:22am]
It's Friday, I'm in love.

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